Rollercoaster Ruckus

Has anyone else noticed that life as intricate and detailed as it is seems to be really just follows suit with whatever everything else is doing. When things are up...they are all the way up; but when they're down holy moly hold on to your britches because you're about to get bitch slapped with 3 G's worth of negative gravity right in the freakin face. It's like a snowball effect, it starts with one little thing and then another and another. Where is that red emergency button to end the whole ride, I'm flailing my arms in every direction on this downward slope hoping to find that button and prevent me from screaming aloud like a wee little girl, but I have yet to find it. It all started with a little trip to the er last week and is now snowballing into that two month full time position turning into a 1 and a half week full time position. Ironic how I had finally had the positive outlook I had been searching for and then bammm right in the kisser that rollercoaster went into some sort of death defying triple roll that sent me crying to mommy, but at least I didn't throw up my cotton candy. Man, what a bittersweet taste this whole year has already left in my mouth, something like a combination of burnt coffee and rotten papaya. So what to do next, how to make this evil rollercoaster stop? I would really prefer to go ride on the kiddie one with Kira and live oblivious to all of the stresses, insults, and degradations I've had to suffer and just chug along with a big smile on my face...simply enjoying the mild ride. The old addage we live and we learn is so true. I just wish that learning didn't have to be so painful all of the time. But if it wasn't painful it wouldn't etch it's lesson quite as well into your soul though no would it? The one phrase I hate the most though is the "everything happens for a reason" quip. I despise it, ugh. What if, let's just say, everything doesn't happen for a reason. That there is no rhyme and no reason to why bad things happen to good people. Like the 3 year old child dignosed with cancer, or the 2 year old asleep in her bed that is killed in her own home by a drunk driver that plows through her house. What if... We just say that there is a reason for everything that happens to help us cope with our personal dilhemmas so that we don't feel so bad. As humans without having something bigger/greater/outside of ourselves to blame for our misgivings and hardships it would mean we would be responsible and us soully for what occurs. Most of us are too prideful, arrogant, and brainwashed to see that. Perhaps coincidence is just bull shit, perhaps everything happens for reason is a crock of crap we tell ourselves to keep us from losing our minds. Truth is we've already lost them in the ideas and concepts and misgivings of a society who has programmed us to ride this damn rollercoaster, and while I'm still searching for that red emergency stop button, I'm pretty sure I'll never find it. John Mayer wrote an increadible song called Stop This Train, I think I'll listen to it a million times today. Until the next episode.

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